Its been awhile since I last talked to you here. It isn't that I haven't talked to you, it's just been other places a lot in your room, sometimes not knowing what to say cause its all been said before, its bee thought and felt. Sometimes by your tree I lay on your bench and look into the sky the emptiness that I feel. I just sit and stare at your tree still wondering why US yes.... US. I know there are other families, but I don't at this point care so much about them I don't want ours to be one of those statistics. I hate this torture, sadness, emptiness, PAIN, PAIN describes everyday without you. PAIN describes the stabbing feeling that is in my heart EVRY DAY, PAIN is what we live without you. I CAN"T STAND THIS TYPE OF PAIN. I think the pain of cutting my leg off without being numb would be less than this pain I have.
Every time I see a picture of you I remember your smile, but want so badly to HEAR YOU, HEAR YOUR HUMOR, YOUR LAUGH, YOUR VOICE. I wish I had a message from you to listen to over and over. Instead...... I have a text on June 29th 2015 of ....... WHERE ARE YOU? TREVOR!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE R U? That is all I have Trevor. We do have movies from when you were young, but I want now, I mean then, I mean BEFORE, BEFORE all this silence. All I hear is the screaming I have done, the crying I have done, the noise in my head of saying over and over I want you to be here, to have you ALIVE. It is repeated even though I know it is not possible. ALL I CAN SAY IS THIS IS SO UNFAIR, SO HARD, SO NUMBING, SO CATASTOPHIC, THE PAIN UNDESCIBABLE.
I CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE AND WILL TALK ABOUT YOUR TOURNEY SOME OTHER TIME, BUT SUPPORT WAS AMAZING AND THE TURNOUT GREAT.
I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU AND FEEL THE PAIN OF THAT DAY AND THE VISIONS SO VIVID IN MY MIND STILL AS IF TIME HAS STOOD STILL.
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