Recently our cousin Gail made a comment that I received beauty in our family. I truly do appreciate the compliment I really do, but not only body and especially mind, I feel I have aged right before my eyes this past year. I am extremely blessed to have your brother and your dad and LOVE THEM PAST INFINITY and grateful for the love they give to me along with the support. Also I am blessed to have a world of others who have been there for me/us. I have been told and I honestly know that I have much to live for, but there are tears that stream down my face with a endless pain. That ball in your throat that feels like you can't swallow, me trying not to scream at the top of my lungs with agony. There is a darkness that surrounds and torments my days and nights. The unfixable excruciating pain that reshatters my heart with every breath I take. IT IS Sooooooo unbelievable and proves to be the nightmare I never thought I would much less have, but LIVE, the one I have to live without you Trevor.
I still to this day in a unrealistic world, my subconscious mind, my daydreams think sometimes if I stare long enough at the door you will come in. I think you will walk thru for me to see that mischievous smile of yours and pep in your step your go get em or do anything outgoing personality and your truly loving spirit.
If I just PLEAD RELENTLESSLY PLEEEEAASE , IF I CLOSE MY EYES TIGHT ENOUGH OR HOPE HARD ENOUGH, OR BELIEVED THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS MIRACLES. IF I BELIEVED OF A HIGHER BEING, IF ONLY MY PLEA'S WERE HEARD CAME TRUE.
INSTEAD I PLEAD TO COMPLETE SILIENCE, IT IS SO DEAFINING AND GO UNANSWERED. COOOOOOOOOOOOOME ON TREVOR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just ask 1 thing, just 1 wish, onnnnnnnne thing the only thing in the world I want.
I just want you to walk in, thru the door appear there so I can touch you. come back thru what some say the light. Like in the movies WISH HARD ENOUGH TREVOR, TALK TO YOURSELF SAYING I CANT GO YET, MY MOM AND DAD AND BROTHER CANT LIVE WITHOUT ME, IT WOULD CHANGE THEIR LIVES FOREVER, MY MOM WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME NEVVVER, SHE WOULD BE LOST, WHAT WILL MY BROTHER DO FEEL, MISS. WHAT WOULD DAD SAY HOW MUCH HE WOULD BE MISSING, IT WOULDNT MAKE SENCE FOR ME TO GO. SOOOOO I WANT TO GO BACK, JUST TAKE ME BACK TO THE REAL WORLD. I JUST WANT YOU TO IN THAT LIGHT KNOW YOU ARE WANTED AND LOVED. JUST BREATHE TAKE THAT BREATH, PPPPPPPLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE OPEN YOUR EYES.
YOUR MOM IS BEGGING YOU PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASE
REACH FURTHER, GRAAAAAAAAAB MY HAND HONEY, TREVOR WALK BACK INTO MY LIFE LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY CAN'T MY LIFE BE A MOVIE?????
WHERE IS OUR HAPPLY EVER AFTER????
WHY IS IT WE WERE GIVEN THIS NIGHTMARE TREVOR?????????
I JUST WANT TO HEAR, I WANT THAT ANSWER, NO I WANT THIS TO BE A NIGHTMARE WE CAN WAKE FROM
MY HEART BREAKS AND CRYS, MY CHEST SO HEAVY KNOWING NOT ONLY DO I NOT HAVE ANY ONE LAST ANYTHINGS
BUT MY NOW'S WITH YOU ARE SILENT AND GONE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
