JUST A CHANCE

                    Tourney planning and organizing phase is now in session, I have been off for my hand and it seems like that time I have been obsessing about how perfect this has to be for you. This day we need to count on so many to make it possible, it has to be great, go smooth and MOST IMPORTANTLY I want YOU to be in the FOREFRONT of EVERYONE'S MIND. I HATE that we have to remember instead of have you here. I really wish you could be the here and now. 
                    You know your buddy is in a serious world of hurt and he is fighting Trevor FIGHTING so very hard. We are unaware of the damage done, but the most important thing is that he is alive and he has so many pulling for him. He has what has been said a terribly long road, a slow road ahead of him, but those of us who know each other will be there for his family as everyone has been for us. 
                  My heart aches for them, the unknown is such a horrible place to be, they must take 1 day at a time, and take what they are given cause they don't have a choice, their lives revolve second by second and all they can do is wait, hope, pray, hope and love , love him and fight for and with him to try to make his life as good as it can be for him to be as healthy as he can be and let him have a future.
                The second by second I experience, but unfortunately Trevorrrrrrr you did not allow me to Fight for you, you didn't allow me to be there for you and with you, You didn't allow me to even try, You gave me the seconds by seconds of life the emptiness and void, I would of  FOUGHT for you  daily, FOUGHT SO VERY HARD to help you do what you needed, helped you to try and overcome whatever addiction you had, I would have stayed by your side night and day, given my ALL EVERY OUNCE OF LIFE I HAD MY LAST BREATH TO SAVE YOU TREVOR.

EXPECTATIONS SHATTERED

  Robynne Matusak was the woman you came thru to when she was reading Amy at her work right after you died.  She told Amy things she wouldn't of known and even things we didn't even know at the time.  It was incredible the details she was able to give and then we had her come to the house and she didn't disappoint. She paced back and forth with her eyes closed and then open and concentrating. She gave us so many things in the hour she was here that there is no way we could question if it was you who she saw giving her images of things that would make us know it was you who knew we wanted to hear from you, to know you know we miss you and how we are grieving. She gave and gave and didn't really ask questions and still gave concrete connections.
     I have been wanting to see her since around your birthday but she for some reason has not been doing reading, maybe her life is busy or she needs to concentrate on other things and isn't able then to give fully to her clients???? Anyway so there was an opportunity to see someone else and it was not expensive so I thought I would try to reach you again maybe thru someone else.

So On April 27th 2017 I went to this woman's house for a reading
Wellllllllllllllllllllll I hate to say it was a waste of time, but it WAS a total waste of time and money even though it wasn't much. During she asked and asked and fished and fished and gave info that was not fitting that was totally wrong and she would try to cover Reach and Reach with something else when I would say No, it wasn't true, it wasn't it, no he didn't,
I really don't know what I'm looking for Trev I don't know what I think I will get out of connecting again with you, more info, more answers, I don't think those will ever come but I guess I just want what the movies share. Like a Ghost movie of sorts. I want to know you are hearing me, seeing me, with me truly with me, listening, knowing things, seeing things.  I will take the smallest anything I can get Trevor. I just want you and anything I can have. I don't even know if it will make me feel better, but I am just grasping at whatever I can get to connect with you somehow now, still.
I felt so emotionally drained after that reading and my heart still yearning with a vast emptiness, still with no answers and not one iota of connection. Maybe having such a genuine reading with concrete connections from Robynne I was expecting too much, but I just feel like she had no connection and the things she did say were words that were from fishing constantly.
JUST SAD TREVOR, SAD ABOUT IT ALL, EVERYTHING IS SO PLAIN PAINFULL

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