Do you know Harper?

             Today after Harper got up from her nap ,I brought her out and sat with her on my lap in the recliner.  She sleeps in your room Trevor, but maybe you know this.... Maybe you talk to her??? Maybe she sees you??? I don't really know for sure. But today I got the feeling you visit her. 
    short story- I do know in our family there have been stories of the people who have passed who have visited., even your gramma Jan's brother came to her at the end of her bed.  
       I know you probably heard or know the story of Auntie Jenny when she was small. We were visiting Gramma and  she was upstairs in Gramma Dorothy's house and she was chatting not making much sense. The adults in the kitchen below heard and listened thru the air vents and wondered what the hell is going on, who is she talking to? After her coming down she was asked who she was talking to and she said with certainty "Uncle Billy" Thing is your Auntie Jenny NEVER knew him, never met him and wasn't even aware that she even had a Uncle Billy. He was 28 when he died and it was ions before her being born. 
         Anyway we sat in the chair today and she watched bubble guppies for a few seconds and then bent forward and looked to the left where your picture sits on the end table. She bent forward more and she giggled, I saw her smile and screech and then she waved and looked at me and looked back and waved to you and kept smiling and bouncing. 
       She knows your brother and his picture sits on the table to the right. She bent again and looked and him and smiled and looked at me, but again turned and stared at your picture and she looked at me like ( hey it's Him )and waved and waved again. Immediately I felt my breath stop and the tears started to roll down my cheeks. I could not help myself from breaking down. My heart was so touched from the endearing look she gave to you. I of course and beyond sad but this gave me a overwhelming feeling of you being in your room.  I have seen several times her waking up and she stares at a certain point in your room and laughs and chatters.  Is it you that she is seeing, hearing, chatting with somehow.
         If it is you why can't I have you with me, and know for sure. I want to see , hear and feel you are here with me. I want something more concrete than just half thinking ok yea You are around ,but  really I just don't know for sure.
        I miss you so completely. My life so not put together, I am not together, my life it is not as full, it seems like I am not even really living in the real world, is sometimes just such a empty feeling I wonder why bother to keep feeling the pain over and over. If ever there was a time I understand the feeling of despair it is right in front of my face, in my mind, my heart and the question repeats if I will ever be able to feel real again.