My Last Night

On this date 1 year ago we walked into double doors tormented with the sight of u in a casket at the front of an empty room. My baby so handsome, but not a dream as we would of wanted it to be. It was very real as I reached you with trembling everything I draped my arms over you as my face met your chest and then your face. I cupped your cheeks, I spoke to you with no response. You so very cold and no heartbeat to hear. I would of laid there the whole night if I could of. I couldnt, I would have to share this very last night with you with others. I didnt know how mant but it was alot. I really didnt have to, but you deserved to be honored and talked to and prayed over. You deserved the over 4 hours of non stop constant people coming to say goodbye. Hundreds and hundreds over 1000 people cared for u, about u, about us to wait hours I was told to reach, us, you. It still kinda of a haze. I NEVER LEFT YOU..... After it all, the people, the music, the stories the tears, an empty room again held you in the same place. Reality hit my medicated being and I knew then, this was IT, it was the very last time I would see u, your body, your real face, hold your cheeks, kiss my babys forehead and tell you I LOVED YOU OVER AND OVER. I COULDNT BRING MYSELF TO LEAVE, MY BODY STILL, MY MIND SUCKING UP EVERY CURVE, WRINKLE ON YOUR FACE. I WAS NOT LEAVING YOU!!!! I JUST COULDNT LEAVE MY BABY, YOUR MOM IS SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU, TO SAVE U TO KISS YOU AND MAKE IT ALL BETTER. IIIII CAANT ITS DONE!!!!!!! TREVOR!!!!!! THIS CANT BE REALLLL. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. Iwant you to just pop up and say OH MOM IM JUST KIDDING..... IT DIDNT I KNEW INSIDE IT COULDNT. I was slowly moved like slow motion back from you, NEVER TAKING MY EYES OFF OF YOU. I was sobbing uncontrollably PLEEEEEASE PETER!!!!!! PLEASE I CANT, DONT MAKE ME LEAVE MY BABY, as your dad lead me away I kept telling you I loved you, im sorryyyyy, I LOVE YOU ONE LAST AS MY HEART FELL OUT OF MY CHEST AND THE EMPTINESS CAUSED A HOLLOWNESS INSIDE. I LOVE YOU TREV, MOMMY LOVES YOU ONE LAST TIME LOOKING FROM THE SAME DOUBLE DOORS I DREADED GOING THROUGH AT THE BEGINNING OF THAT NIGHT. THE NIGHT I HAD TO SAY GOODBYE FOR THE LAST TIME.