What this Grief has done :
It has collapsed me
It has taken my being to a out of body experience
It has taken my breath away
It has shattered my heart
It makes my world hazy
It has made my mind numb
It has brings fear to me
It isolates me
It has taken the feeling of the confidence I once had
It gives me nightmares
It brings endless sleepless nights
It has mixed up my days
It has made me stay in my pajamas for days
It has made me not want to leave the house
It makes me physically sick
It has me hug and lay talking to a cold metal container
It makes me lay in your bed and cry myself to sleep
It confuses me
It has made me question life
It has brought less patience
It brings uncontrollable crying
It makes my eyes so puffy It hurts to open them
It makes me miss enjoying outings
It has made me throw up
It brings horrible visions
It brings screaming out of control outbursts
It has made me selfish in ways
It has taken me to sit by a name plate in your memory
It takes me to the parkway locked in my car screaming my brains out
It makes me say things I regret
It feel darkness I never knew existed
It has made me want to choke and torture every drug dealer
It gives me a sickening sence of proud seeing hundreds of people come to your funeral
It furiates me to know kids brought drugs to your funeral
That some sick bastard took pictures of my dead baby laying in his casket
It stills makes me angry and sorry at your
It makes me ugly cry in front of people
It makes feel fake
It has made me want to slap someone
It has made me feel mean
It makes me question how close we really were vs how close I thought we were
It makes me feel guilt
It makes people feel sorry for us
It makes them not know what to say and I know they mean well
There is nothing they can to make it better
It has made me literally feel hollow
It makes me feel I need to pretend I'm ok
It has given me crippling anxiety
It gives my heart enormous gravity to look at pictures of you
It has made me fake smile
It has terrified me when Ky leaves the house
It gives me such a aching heart to watch your brother cry and live forever without you
To see your father cry
It makes me feel a void like I never thought I could feel
It makes me feel like a horrible friend
It brings an uncomfortableness to conversation
It has made my personality different
It makes me furious that I couldn't hug u one last time, that the simple last kiss wasn't enough
It has taken a piece of me
It makes me want to strangle the GREENFIELD parents who feed our children drugs
It has made me not want to live
It gives me the feeling of pure agony of missing someone so completely
It changes my mood in a split second
It makes me think the last 10.00 I gave you bought the drugs that killed you
It makes me wonder why you tried it
It makes me wonder what you were thinking
It makes me question who we're your real friends
It makes me question who knew and hides it lying to me
It kills me to know you died with someone there
And he didn't get any repercussions of admitting he gave it to you
I am paralyzed wondering if you were in pain as you died
If you wanted your mommy
It makes me want to be able to touch even your cold, still face just to have you with me
It makes me question if you thought I loved you so unconditionally I would have given my life to save yogi much more it is endless of thing feelings others don't realize there r
It makes me at times feel like a bad wife
It makes me wonder if Kyle truly knows how much I love him
It has made me second guess the mother I was
It makes me question the mother I should be
It makes me question the mother IAM
TREVOR YOU BEING GONE IS DEVASTATING
AND SUFFOCATES MY ENTIRE BEING
The definition of grief to me
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