Just some of my inside

I did not know exactly what it was that Trevor died from. At his funeral though some people knew and some assumed. Some had the audacity to have drugs there. If I would of knew wrath like no other they would of seen. Some there fed into and sold or gave him something we had no idea about until his death. So called friends, and although my son chose to follow the steps of these so called friends there is resentment, There is anger, disgust, feeling of betrayal, a furious hate at times, wonder how much they truly did care for my son. A furious bubbling inside would like to show them how furious I am but, it won't bring my son back and wont change their ways so it's useless so inside I am forced to struggle with my own mortality. So many of them yet they smile to our faces and go on with their life as my sons is dead and gone and we are left with shattered hearts they cannot even fathom. I am left with emotional and health issues I will suffer for life, I'm stuck WITH THE IMAGES OF MY DYING SON, MY DEAD SON, AND HIS ASHES FOR THE REST OF MY BREATHING DAYS. Everyone knows now and whether there are some that may judge. they are supportive to us. I say do what your heart tells you. I was embarrassed and still feel like a tremendously horrible mother that I did not know he started using heroin, some say a mo before but there were also pill bottles( MY Pill bottles found from my back surgery ) so who know how long he was doing pills. I WILL NEVER know for sure, since my baby is silenced forever. Even though the embarrassment is gone, I put it out there my raw pain in Hope's it will hit home for someone and save their family, their Mother or Father or best friend close sibling or even their life. It's so rampant and out of control. Our kids are statistics but we can still have a voice and be proud of all the good they had, accomplished and who they were and be extremely proud they were our flesh and blood.
I am allowed my feelings and should not have to hold my tongue. I dont have to forgive because I have had my flesh and blood stolen, those others really dont have a say in how I feel or what I want to say. Trevor died in some apartment with ( I wont go into the extra feels I have for him,)of a Xanax/Herion accidental OD.
WITHOUT HIS MOMMA, BY HIMSELF WITH NOT A PERSON THAT GAVE A SHIT ABOUT HIM. BET I bet those "friends" dont even it a second thought.

Nobody misses you and loves you LIKE YOUR MOMMA.