My Baby

                I woke up crying so extremely hard this morning. I couldn't stop Trevor. I grabbed my dream journaling book that Audrey bought me. I ran out of the book that you wrote your stories in from the many dreams and nightmares that I have had since you died.
                I went to the bathroom to write planning on going back to bed laying there trying to get the horrible visions out of my head, screaming to my self in my mind, begging for something, something that tells me why Trevor..... Instead I couldn't control my sobbing it only got louder and louder as I sat on the toilet waiting to calm enough for my hands to stop shaking to write. Your dad was awake wanting me to calm down. I CANNOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like he is just saying be quiet!!!!! I know he does it because I get so out of control sometimes where I can't breathe which then it brings on a asthma episode. Even when I physically stop it NEVER stops inside. I can be talking to someone about something, may be looking right at them, maybe laugh, smile talk and all the while that screaming is going on in my head. IT DOES NOT STOP, DOES NOT TREVOR...........................
                So I went to your room grabbed one of your pillows sat holding it as tight as I could I always end up rocking and crying doing a somewhat silent scream into it. I sat there forever crying looking at all of your things, the things still left in your room just like it was when you died, well except its dusted vacuumed and cleaned up.  I look at your pictures from one of the funeral boards I made and hung in your room still hold your pillows, clothes anything I can draw your scent from.  It is the only thing I have tangible that is you.
                  I just HATE that I can't have you home. I would take a filthy room, no gas in the car, you just being lazy I WOULD TAKE ANYTHING....... I think to myself I would even take you back at the funeral home the first day we saw you, the numerous times they let us visit before your funeral and the night of you funeral. I would take back those hours minutes seconds and cherish having you whole being able to touch you your face EVEN to talk you no with no answers I am exhausted missing you hating this new life Trevor
                  Remembering all these moments of the video and those apply to watching you grow, holding you watching you. All the moments that I should have WILL NEVER BE. I will always have the memories and pictures and movies of my baby but those don't even compare any to what could of been that was stolen from me.

https://www.facebook.com/todayparents/videos/10154040297262984/?pnref=story 

BE SCARED !!!!

Trev this is yet another post i shared about what and how your fearless life left us.
What hot hell I breathe EVERY SECOND I inhale and exhale NO MATTER WHAT I LOOK ON THE OUTSIDE

As I lay here again up since 3ish I sob uncontrollably remebering the emotion and love shared this night. Not just then but always. Although there was space in between with your different things going on in your lives. You were always there for each other. There wasn't any question of how much Trevor loved you Brayden Campagna I believe he would of done ANYTHING for you. EVERYTIME not just because Trevor is dead but since this picture was taken I cry everytime seeing this. This picture showed the raw, unedited, true emotion of love between friends that there is. He considered you a brother, and even though we dont see u as much consider you a part of our family. I am sorry you share part of our agony, I wish he would of told u something and if he did I wish we would of known to try and save the soul he apparently was being drawn into.
 I WANT TO SAVE YOUR PARENTS from the hell that Peter and I are living. We thought we would know.... You would think you would see, but THERE WAS NO APPARENT SIGNS, TREVOR WAS SMART, HE WAS PART OF DARE, TAUGHT FROM EARLY ON, HE WAS GIVEN INFORMATION TO MAKE SMART CHOICES, HE KNEW THE DANGERS.

**PEOPLE NEED TO BE SCARED!!!!
**PARENTS U NEED TO KNOW THIS COULD BE YOUR CHILD!!!!
** I WAS A THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN TO US, TREV IS HONEST, DOESNT HIDE THINGS, HAS TOLD US ALOT OF THINGS A CHILD WOULDN'T TELL THEIR PARENTS. .......BE NOSEY, CHECK ROOMS,  ASK QUESTIONS. READ AND LEARN THE SIGNS THE LINGO, WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, ITEMS TO USE....STRAWS, ENDS OR CORNERS OF CREDIT CARDS, BAGGIES TIED OR RUBBER BAND WITH A SMALL POCKET AT THE END, INSIDE BOOKS THAT MAY BE CUT OUT INSIDE. IN AREAS OF CARS.... ASHTRAYS POCKETS, GLOVE COMPARTMENT, ITEMS THAT BE ABLE TO HOLD A TINY BAGGIE
 IF YOU PAY OR HAVE ACCESS TO PHONES GO THRU, TEAR ROOMS APART!!!!!
IF U SUSPECT DONT CARE IF YOUR KID GETS EXTREMELY PISSED AT YOU.
IT IS YOUR HOUSE AND IT COULD SAVE YOUR CHILDS LIFE.
PARENTS.......... DONT BE PISSED IF A PARENT IS BRAVE ENOUGH TO SAY SOMETHING TO U EVEN IF YOU DONT SEE ANYTHING.
PLLEEEEEEEEASE DONT BE SCARED TO DO ALL THIS OR ASK, QUESTION. DON'T BE NIEVE AND THINK NOT MY CHILD
************BECAUSE ***** IT CAN BE********* YOUR CHILD OR YOUR CHILDS FRIEND.

I DONT WANT TO SEE U LIVE MY LIFE.
THIS LIFE THAT FEELS NO DIFFERENT THAN THE DAY I HEARD TREVOR IS DEAD!!!!!!!
 HOURS OF SLEEP OR NOT SLEEPING, EEEEVERY WAKING HOUR, WORDS THAT HAUNT EVERY MILLISECOND I BREATHE, THE CONSTANT IMAGES OF FEELING A PART OF THE SKULL OPENED, KNOWING YOUR CHILDS BODY HAS BEEN CUT INTO, EMPTIED AND THROWN BACK TOGETHER, YOUR CHILDS FACE SEWN /GLUED SHUT LAYING MOTIONLESS NEVER TO TALK, SMILE, LAUGH, INHALE OR LOVE U EVERRRRR EEEEVERRRR AGAIN.

THE SILENCE...............

                       Recently our cousin Gail made a comment that I received beauty in our family. I truly do appreciate the compliment I really do, but not only body and especially mind, I feel I have aged right before my eyes this past year. I am extremely blessed to have your brother and your dad and LOVE THEM PAST INFINITY and grateful for the love they give to me along with the support. Also I am blessed to have a world of others who have been there for me/us. I have been told and I honestly know that I have much to live for, but there are tears that stream down my face with a endless pain. That ball in your throat that feels like you can't swallow, me trying not to scream at the top of my lungs with agony.  There is a darkness that surrounds and torments my days and nights. The unfixable excruciating pain that reshatters my heart with every breath I take. IT IS Sooooooo unbelievable and proves to be the nightmare I never thought I would much less have, but LIVE, the one I have to live without you Trevor.

                     I still to this day in a unrealistic world, my subconscious mind, my daydreams think sometimes if I stare long enough at the door you will come in. I think you will walk thru for me to see that mischievous smile of yours and pep in your step your go get em or do anything outgoing personality and your truly loving spirit.

                      If I just PLEAD RELENTLESSLY PLEEEEAASE , IF I CLOSE MY EYES TIGHT ENOUGH OR HOPE HARD ENOUGH, OR BELIEVED THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS MIRACLES. IF I BELIEVED OF A HIGHER BEING, IF ONLY MY PLEA'S WERE HEARD CAME TRUE.

      INSTEAD I PLEAD TO COMPLETE SILIENCE, IT IS SO DEAFINING AND GO UNANSWERED. COOOOOOOOOOOOOME ON TREVOR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just ask 1 thing, just 1 wish, onnnnnnnne thing the only thing in the world I want.

                       

 I just want you to walk in, thru the door appear there so I can touch you. come back thru what some say the light. Like in the movies WISH HARD ENOUGH TREVOR, TALK TO YOURSELF SAYING I CANT GO YET, MY MOM AND DAD AND BROTHER CANT LIVE WITHOUT ME, IT WOULD CHANGE THEIR LIVES FOREVER, MY MOM WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME NEVVVER, SHE WOULD BE LOST, WHAT WILL MY BROTHER DO FEEL, MISS. WHAT WOULD DAD SAY HOW MUCH HE WOULD BE MISSING, IT WOULDNT MAKE SENCE FOR ME TO GO. SOOOOO I WANT TO GO BACK, JUST TAKE ME BACK TO THE REAL WORLD. I JUST WANT YOU TO IN THAT LIGHT KNOW YOU ARE WANTED AND LOVED. JUST BREATHE TAKE THAT BREATH, PPPPPPPLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE OPEN YOUR EYES.

                 YOUR MOM IS BEGGING YOU PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASE

REACH FURTHER, GRAAAAAAAAAB MY HAND HONEY, TREVOR WALK BACK INTO MY LIFE LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY CAN'T MY LIFE BE A MOVIE?????

WHERE IS OUR HAPPLY EVER AFTER????

WHY IS IT WE WERE GIVEN THIS NIGHTMARE TREVOR?????????

 I JUST WANT TO HEAR, I WANT THAT ANSWER, NO I WANT THIS TO BE A NIGHTMARE WE CAN WAKE FROM

MY HEART BREAKS AND CRYS, MY CHEST SO HEAVY KNOWING NOT ONLY DO I NOT HAVE ANY ONE LAST ANYTHINGS

BUT MY NOW'S WITH YOU ARE SILENT AND GONE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

STANDING STILL

                            Its been awhile since I last talked to you here. It isn't that I haven't talked to you, it's just been other places a lot in your room, sometimes not knowing what to say cause its all been said before, its bee thought and felt. Sometimes by your tree I lay on your bench and look into the sky the emptiness that I feel. I just sit and stare at your tree still wondering why US yes.... US. I know there are other families, but I don't at this point care so much about them I don't want ours to be one of those statistics. I hate this torture, sadness, emptiness, PAIN, PAIN describes everyday without you. PAIN describes the stabbing feeling that is in my heart EVRY DAY, PAIN is what we live without you. I CAN"T STAND THIS TYPE OF PAIN. I think the pain of cutting my leg off without being numb would be less than this pain I have.
                            Every time I see a picture of you I remember your smile, but want so badly to HEAR YOU, HEAR YOUR HUMOR, YOUR LAUGH, YOUR VOICE.  I wish I had a message from you to listen to over and over. Instead...... I have a text on June 29th 2015 of .......  WHERE ARE YOU?  TREVOR!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE R U? That is all I have Trevor. We do have movies from when you were young, but I want now, I mean then, I mean BEFORE, BEFORE all this silence. All I hear is the screaming I have done, the crying I have done, the noise in my head of saying over and over I want you to be here, to have you ALIVE. It is repeated even though I know it is not possible. ALL I CAN SAY IS THIS IS SO UNFAIR, SO HARD, SO NUMBING, SO CATASTOPHIC, THE PAIN UNDESCIBABLE. 
I CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE AND WILL TALK ABOUT YOUR TOURNEY SOME OTHER TIME, BUT SUPPORT WAS AMAZING AND THE TURNOUT GREAT.
I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU AND FEEL THE PAIN OF THAT DAY AND THE VISIONS SO VIVID IN MY MIND STILL AS IF TIME HAS STOOD STILL.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

My Last Night

On this date 1 year ago we walked into double doors tormented with the sight of u in a casket at the front of an empty room. My baby so handsome, but not a dream as we would of wanted it to be. It was very real as I reached you with trembling everything I draped my arms over you as my face met your chest and then your face. I cupped your cheeks, I spoke to you with no response. You so very cold and no heartbeat to hear. I would of laid there the whole night if I could of. I couldnt, I would have to share this very last night with you with others. I didnt know how mant but it was alot. I really didnt have to, but you deserved to be honored and talked to and prayed over. You deserved the over 4 hours of non stop constant people coming to say goodbye. Hundreds and hundreds over 1000 people cared for u, about u, about us to wait hours I was told to reach, us, you. It still kinda of a haze. I NEVER LEFT YOU..... After it all, the people, the music, the stories the tears, an empty room again held you in the same place. Reality hit my medicated being and I knew then, this was IT, it was the very last time I would see u, your body, your real face, hold your cheeks, kiss my babys forehead and tell you I LOVED YOU OVER AND OVER. I COULDNT BRING MYSELF TO LEAVE, MY BODY STILL, MY MIND SUCKING UP EVERY CURVE, WRINKLE ON YOUR FACE. I WAS NOT LEAVING YOU!!!! I JUST COULDNT LEAVE MY BABY, YOUR MOM IS SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU, TO SAVE U TO KISS YOU AND MAKE IT ALL BETTER. IIIII CAANT ITS DONE!!!!!!! TREVOR!!!!!! THIS CANT BE REALLLL. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING. Iwant you to just pop up and say OH MOM IM JUST KIDDING..... IT DIDNT I KNEW INSIDE IT COULDNT. I was slowly moved like slow motion back from you, NEVER TAKING MY EYES OFF OF YOU. I was sobbing uncontrollably PLEEEEEASE PETER!!!!!! PLEASE I CANT, DONT MAKE ME LEAVE MY BABY, as your dad lead me away I kept telling you I loved you, im sorryyyyy, I LOVE YOU ONE LAST AS MY HEART FELL OUT OF MY CHEST AND THE EMPTINESS CAUSED A HOLLOWNESS INSIDE. I LOVE YOU TREV, MOMMY LOVES YOU ONE LAST TIME LOOKING FROM THE SAME DOUBLE DOORS I DREADED GOING THROUGH AT THE BEGINNING OF THAT NIGHT. THE NIGHT I HAD TO SAY GOODBYE FOR THE LAST TIME.

                    Treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeev I am in such a horrible place. People think I am so strong, that I am moving on, that its getting easier or time makes it better. IT IS NOT TREVOR............. EVERYDAY TO THIS DAY I could scream at the top of my lungs still, punch whoever I come in contact with. slam my head into a wall. I can't ask for more wonderful support from our friends Trevor, our family Trevor and even acquaintances. We couldn't ask for anymore love and support, but for me TREV it is just not enough. It isn't at all that I don't appreciate it cause I do, but in this I feel so alone. Yes your dad has lost his son, Ky has lost his brother, our family have lost a grandson, nephew, cousin and friends they have lost your spark, spunk and lust for life, the laughs and the fun you gave every single day to someone.....Anyone who came in contact with you.
   I am so extremely desperate to have you back, I know you aren't able to come back. WHY? Because I have you sitting right in front of us everyday as we sit in the family room. I have your ashes by my heart daily in my necklace, I have you in my heart but it is NOT ENOUGH. In my mind sometimes, ALOT OF TIMES I feel like you are just out and about and somehow I will be surprised when you get home, to tell me about your day, about stupid things, happy things, things that pissed you off, how tired you were how you didn't want to do your laundry. ( mooooooooooom could you just this time do it for me?????) and me I would give in cause you were my son and that's what mom's do.  
 ME TREVOR I have not only lost my son, a spirit I made, Who I would watch with amazement when you would move inside me, who I watched grow up, that I taught things to,  I not only lost my son, I was excited beyond belief to see and feel, kiss and touch when you were born. I have lost literally a piece of me, A HUGE chunk of me. TREEEEEVORRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOO R. WHEN I SAY ME. I MEAN ME my being, It isn't that I don't feel for others but it is so very different for your mommy. I TREVOR OH GOD I hope you knew that I couldn't of loved any more if I tried. I still could love you any more if I tried its still there honey. I LOVE YOU.

LONG.... OUR MEDIUM CONNECTIONS

THIS POST IS PERSONAL AND SOMETHING SO TREASURED BUT TO READ THROUGH AGAIN IT AND SHARE BRINGS SO MANY THINGS TO LIGHT AND IS JUST SO TRUE AND MADE ME BELIEVE YOU WERE WITH ME, AROUND ME OR AT LEAST THEN IT WAS A STRONG CONNECTION. I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE TREV, BUT MY NIGHT TIME SLEEP HAS MISSED YOU. I WISH IT WAS NIGHTLY I COULD SEE YOU, YOUR FACE, YUR SMILE, HEAR YOUR LAUGH FEEL YOUR HUGS. IT KILLS ME TO NOT HAVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU HERE WITH ME/US
Background story .......ONE OF OUR VERY BEST FRIENDS had this medium at her work for a group reading she was almost done and started to read Amy. This is what Amy sent to me.
Things in highlights is a truth connection or has or does happen.

So I set up a group Medium session yesterday for my Women’s Network at GE last night.  There was approximately 15 people in attendance.  She probably got to about 10 of us.  I did not expect her to get to me, in fact, I told her to not worry about me and to focus on all the others in the group session as I had set it up and didn’t want to take up time that could’ve went to another group member.  So she was there from 6 to 7:30ish.  It got to be 7:20 and I thought, well she’s not going to get to me, which is fine.  Then the last spirit energy came through…and here is what she said:

 

·         I’m getting a young male who has recently passed unexpectedly

·         She said he keeps telling me, “I just wanted to see what would happen.  I F’ed up.would have been something he would say  I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

·         She said he was showing her a long pill (Vicodin possibly(Xanax is a long white pill), she’s not a doctor) and 2 pink round pills (no clue what that means or what those are, but he kept showing them to her)( could be the generic of Xanax/Alprazolam)

·         She said it seemed as though he took something and on top of it the pills….and the pills are what put him into cardiac arrest ( he took Heroin and Pills)

·         She stated he coded twice….first time his chest hurt, breathing was heavy, but he wasn’t scared…he thought he’d be okay….then second time it occurred right after, he coded.  He wasn’t sure what was happening.

·         She said he’s a bit confused on the other side as to what’s happened

·         He keeps going back to his room, he’s asked you not to change anything in it yet…eventually, but not yet…he needs the constant right now( Have cleaned it but really Haven't changed it)

·         She mentioned a significance with spring/Easter?  She and I didn’t know what that meant???

S(She was talking about a chocolate bunny that I almost threw away, he had to have a solid bunny every year and hadn't eaten it all)

(

·         He was also showing her his mouth/teeth…..wasn’t sure what that meant either or what he was trying to show her???

·         She asked if he had a medium to bigger dog    that had passed/really hyper and full of energy. 

    I said yes, Hampton, and she said, know that he is with the dog.  I can see him playing and wrestling with him.  They are together.

·         She said he knows about the tree you planted,

     he showed it to her, and he knows of your necklace (I’m thinking the one you got with his fingerprint on it?)

·         He knows you lay in his bed and cry…he sees you; he keeps saying “I f’ed up….I didn’t know this would happen”

 

I wasn’t sure if I should share this with you.  I can’t even imagine how hard it is to read this.  It was hard for me to get this message, but I felt he used me to get a message to you and Pete.  This was the same Medium I saw after Rich’s mom passed.  She told me things no one else knew/could know. I just wanted to share what she told me….I felt I needed you to know what was said.

 

Love and XOXO’s

Me

_________________________________________________________________________________
We had Robynne Matusik ( she is a medium ) to our home on Sat the 19th of December. All morning I was anxious of what our visit would bring. She came in and I was nervous, so scared we would get nothing.  The doorbell rang and I got this feeling of OMG R U ready???? Please something just something to make sense. We came in I asked her where we should sit and if she needed a dim room ??? Light did it matter? She said where ever because she walks around alot, up and down in her seat so we sat at the dining room table. Very nice woman she explain her ethics to us and said she doesn't believe in charging if she doesn't make a legit connection that we feel is real and that she feels is genuine.  She stood up kind of closing her eyes, and trying to get a connection of some sort.
             Robynne = R
              Things in the ( ) highlighted is what I am saying or connecting with what she is saying, seeing or feeling
 
       She paced a few times and said "now I know I am hear to read and try and connect with your son. right?" We told her Yes.  She remembered that we were friends of Amy and Richie. She was with Amy when you came thru the first time to her group work reading. Then while with Richie she told him that your spirit was still strong in her. That is why I scheduled it as soon as possible I wanted to make it more apt to connect.
 
              She started .......
               R - I am seeing cross of some sort,
(We said Trevor wasn't religious at all) so she said just write and hold onto it.

R- I can pick up he had big brown eyes, he is being goofy, he's giddy and laughing....
( He had big brown eyes) 
 
R- He was a practical joker...... always smiling and with a cute smile.
( All the above)
 
R- Something with a blue shirt.................
(Yes he wore a blue shirt for his job at Mc Donalds)
 
R- Dimple on one of his cheeks.
(A small one)
 
R- Seeing or feeling something about a dentist????? We weren't sure ... A mouth guard maybe? she said 
(He had a retainer)
 
R- She sees Trevor mac and cheese and he hits a spoon and starts laughing.
(Ky recorded him making mac and cheese one day. He was goofing around and holding some old bananas and turned seriously to Kyle. Ky said WHAT R U DOING? and TREV answered MAKING FRENCH TOAST>>>> but he was making Mac and Cheese,  but he started laughing)
 
R- Birthday coming up?????
(January 4th is Kys and the 17th is Trevors)
 
R- Sees a brother of Pete's, Trev in a casket, the brother is standing there and the brother is taller than Pete.
( Pete's brother Kevin came with us the very first time we saw Trevor at the funeral home)
 
R- Asked Pete about a older brother? What is his name?
(Adam)
 
R- Did the other brother spend a lot of time with Trevor?
( Trevor was closer to Kevin than Adam and did spend more time with him)
 
R- Trev is showing her
he is sitting in a chair in a veg state, talk show on and zoned out at night.
( not sure what that meant?)
 
R- The number 8 she is seeing Trev showing her the number 8
(That is Kyle's sports number on his jerseys have always been that number)26 was Trev's

R- Feel Mom connected to Trev, but seems like I see something, like what????
(Don't know)
 
R- If Pete looks in the sky or up he trys to make a connection with Trev, but Pete is unsure just a odd coincidence
Not sure but pay attention to it in the future)
 
R- Pete thinks about Trev I am not sure if it is Trev or pete that is saying he is here...... She gets that Trev feels that Pete is afraid to grieve to let go.
 
R- She said Trev is saying you know I am here, but you as in me or pete need to put it together, not here and there but just together.
 
R- She mentions Fishing????? that Trev caught a fish, camping and maybe the fish was round but she isn't positive.
( He went fishing with Brayden and I think has caught but don't think it was a round shaped fish)
 
 
R-  mentions she reminds us of the night he did the pills the color and that what she calls coding as in heart stopping or breathing stopping.
She said Trev said he wasn't scared.
( same exact thing that she said to Amy in her reading)
 
R- She held our hands, she then mentions that he is showing her he is fucking around with pills and laughing.
Him saying I GOT IT TO PEOPLE. People would tell him all the time not to and he was always confident.
( He ALWAYs would say he had it no matter what it was that someone thought was not good for him or unsafe)
 
R- She said he was saying don't change it...... as we were in his room he said he's not ready and then she recognizes a sword and says that was the cross like symbol thing she was seeing at the beginning.
 
We walked past the bathroom
R- said she felt he did some things in there.
maybe hiding something in the bushes around his bedroom, or the sides of his walls along his bed
( don't know about those areas but definitely found things in his room after he died and I was going through things) Hid in cigarette packs and in a wallet
 
There was a heart that I made on his carpet...
R-  asked me if I made it?
(I told her yes)
R-  held a picture of him in a packer jersey wearing a Santa hat.

R-  said Trevor is saying he is so sorry to mom, he knows he hurt me so much
he's having a hard time facing dad almost like an embarrassment, that he represents Pete in a way but otherwise a good kid.
 
R-  said she felt he did it recreational, but it got out of hand. It was a part of his life, but he could still function.
There was a friend who said to watch it but Trev always said he knew what he was doing, he was good at controlling it he just took a little too much. More of one of the 2 types of something and there was a touch of something mixed so however he did it wasn't the normal and that is what caused it to happen.
( I read a text from manager of his telling him to be careful)
( NO FUCKING KIDDING)
R- Doesn't feel alcohol was involved but maybe a sip not a lot of it.
He wasn't aware that there was something else mixed with it, she is seeing a tiny like 3%
 
( we told her it was Xanax and Heroin)
We reminded her that when she read Amy she said how he coded
They found him in the morning
 
R- said he was calm that he actually left his body and watched
 
and then ended with not being clear about looking back and a table type plant
( I kept a couple plants but the only one that is lasted was one that my parents bought) 
 
There are ALOT of things in both sessions that connect with so much