I thought of you daily, wished so much you were there with us all to enjoy the sun, to laugh, drink, be merry, make memories the way it was supposed to be. Wishing the whole time our life was turned back in time to being able to have you with us, to be 4 of us to have my boys together, to watch my 3 guys interact with each other and other people, horse around, tease, be guyish and just watch as you all loved each other's company.
We were in the pool in the afternoon, I had cried that morning missing you, just yearning for those days of happiness and fullness of having our family as one.
Your dad was to the left of me and Richie was to the right. All the sudden Richie brought it to my attention that there was a dragon fly on my shoulder. a small baby dragon fly, bright blue with bright yellow eyes. sitting on my skin, so light it was weightless and calm so still not scared of me.
I looked and watched waiting for it to take flight but it sat, and sat, and stayed without hesitation grabbed on to my finger as I brought my hand up to it. On to my finger it calmly climbed and I was able to watch as it sat on my finger for the longest time, not twitching , not moving, no it wasn't or didn't seem nervous. Tears immediately streamed down my face. I was unable to hold back the emotions connected with the interaction.
My baby, my Trev............was it you?????????? I want to believe it was, such a coincidence that you were in my emotions that morning. After sitting for a pretty lengthy time the small winged body went to my face and before I could fetch it from my face in a split second it was gone.
your presence was so felt, you were there to let me know you were there with us. Although it was an emotional experienced I felt a calm, a peace of sorts. I am grateful to have had those few moments with what could of been a sign from you, was you?????? Hoping it was all the above.
Thursday May 19th, 2016
We were waiting for our bus to go on our excursion for the day. The excursion consisted of zip lining, climbing Mayan ruins the only ones that are left to actually climb still, swimming in a cenote, visiting a Mayan village, Mayan village shopping with dinner and a Mayan show.
In my mind as we waited I thought to myself maybe I should zip line today, wouldn't it make YOU so proud you would smile so huge. A dragonfly sipped by me as my thoughts were busy with if I should. We traveled arrived and I decided YES today was the day I WAS GOING to DO IT. As I walked up the stairs of the tower I questioned my bravery................. I got strapped onto the cord, the man said ok lift your feet and legs up.................. In my mind I'm thinking to myself I am going to close my eyes and scream, I sat and off the man pushed. The whole time freaking out before I actually had my feet leave the platform. Surprisingly as soon as I lifted my legs I kept my eyes wide open, wasn't nervous, a calmness came over me and I watched my self fly over a huge body of water, high into the air, not crying, not closing my eyes, not screaming jut feeling my hair bow as the wind whipped thru it and I just held you so close to me, your memory, your smiles and the laugh you would of had when you hugged me and told me you were so proud of me.
After all the excitement and busy day we went to a restaurant and had dinner with a Mayan Show. Right before they served dinner on the chair kind of in back of me, but to the side of me was an EXACT SMALL BRIGHT BLUE, WITH BRIGHT YELLOW EYES BABY DRAGON FLY coincidence ???????????????? I have to say NO. IT WAS A SIGN FROM YOU........ I MISS YOU SO TERRIBLY BAD, THE PAIN TO THIS DAY IS EXCRUSITATING. MY HEART IS SO EXTREMEMLY BROKEN. I HATE THAT THIS IS MY REALITY, MY LIFE, MY EXISTANCE. I JUST WISH ITH ALL I AM THT YOU COULD BE BACK HERE.
No comments:
Post a Comment