306 DAYS 10 MOTHS AND 1 DAY

                             WHAT IS THERE TO SAY?????????????

THERE CAN'T AND WILL NOT EVER BE TOO MUCH OF OVER AND OVER. NEVER TOO MUCH OF HOW I LOVE YOU.  

THE EXTENT OF THE PAIN, MISSING YOU, AND THE LONG LOST DAYS LONGING TO HAVE YOU BACK ARE INDEFINATE TREVOR!!!!

MY MIND IN REALITY KNOWS YOU ARE GONE FOREVER AND CANT COME BACK, BUT NO MATTER HOW HARD ITS TOLD, MY HEART

CANNOT COMPREHEND.

Today marks another month, another 29th day that you are gone, that we miss you , that our hearts break on that continuous revolving wheel of time, horrendous pain and the never ending sadness.

I hadn't had a sleep vision ( what some call dreams ) since March 13th.  I was having so many and then all the sudden they were gone, gone from the usual nightly or few in a week. I WANTED YOU TO COME.... IS IT A VISITATION CAUSE IF SO I DESERVE ONE TREVOR. LISTEN TO ME, I WANT TO SEE YOU, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU, SEE YOUR SMILE, HEAR YOU, I WANT IT ALL.

Yes I end up crying , sobbing breaking totally down every time, but I don't want them to stop.

I'm not forgetting you, I'm NOT mad at you HONEY, I am mad that you are not, here but I LOVE YOU. I want the slightest bit of you ANYTHING, ANYTHING I CAN HAVE.

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASE DON'T STOP COMING TO ME.

I woke this morning about 5:05am. As I lay there my mind races. I think about your baseball tourney. Will we be able to make it the success that the Campagna's and all your friends made it last year?

We want to be able to donate, donate TO CHARITIES in your name,  A TREVOR HOLMES SCHOLARSHIP to someone deserving.

 

Anyway I must of thought myself to sleep again. I realized after waking again at 5:45am that I did see you that you did come to me, that you talked to me, I talked to you. even though it wasn't a clear vision of your face it was your voice, your being that was talking back to me.
I dreamt that there was another puppy in our home....... I know your dad will choke me......lol I don't remember the whole thing but remember looking up ansd saying to you where did this some from????? It was another wire kennel folded down, as I knelt and was opening it I also noticed a carrier like a tiny dog would be carried in................ WTH anyway you replied to me FISH!!!!!, Meaning Micheal Kaifish you got it from Kaifish? I said and as you were getting ready to answer me I woke.  DAMMIT. I cried as soon as I realized it was you I saw you I heard you, I didn't have a clear vision like usual but it was you. The now recent time you come after I ask you ............... I have you and your gone just like that. NOT AGAIN, its like losing you over and over. Is it torture to want this? Is it stupid? I don't think so. Why do I want these visions, visits,
BECAUSE I MISS YOU LIKE THE OCEAN WOULD MISS THE WATER,
AND THE UNIVERSE WOULD MISS THE STARS.
I WISH IT WAS TRUE, I KNEW WE WERE AND I FELT IT.
 
I JUST MISS YOU, THERES NO DIFFERENT WAY TO SAY IT, TO KNOW IT TO FEEL IT. I HATE IT I HATE MISSING YOU, NOT HAVING YOU HEAR FOR ME TO LOOK AT IT, TO HUG AND KISS AND TELL YOU I LOVE YOU.