Rhea

                  Well your dad decided after on and off conversations that he wanted to get a dog. Of course every time he talked about it Ky was all jacked up. Numerous times dad was like well...... I was kidding or half thinking about it, but nooooo we aren't. The this past weekend your dad was sitting in his recliner while we were all watching T.V and showed me a pic of a bullmastiff. ??????????????? I looked at him like REALLY???? AGAIN????? He said I think we should really get one. I said " A WHAT???" your dad: a bull mastiff Me: What? Really? Ky snapped his head around and said what? What are you talking about??????. I said your dad wants to get a dog again. I really have been against it because putting Hampton down was very hard. I thought the hardest thing in my life BUT NOW I KNOW IT WAS NOT.....
                    I thought about it and although it will not bring you back or by any means fill the part of our hearts that are crushed. I did think though maybe it would be a good distraction. I don't mean to not think of you, because that could NEVER happen since you are in the forefront of my mind EVERY SECOND OF EVRY SECOND. We are all very excited though and you would really think she is the most adorable thing ever.  I know she will bring smiles to us and that is something we really need. There isn't a time that I don't smile and then think how can I????? You are dead, not here, gone forever, your voice absent, hugs and kisses a feeling that I will never have again, I am sad, broken, crushed, empty, so extremely sad that I sometimes don't know how I can even think or break a smile. 
                    Somehow getting this puppy reminds me of all the time I spent with Pepper every night. She was your baby, your pet, I agreed to let you get her and although I took her over caring for her, you were the reason I found love in a ball of prickly little sticks. It broke my heart when she died. I held her till she took her last breath just like Hampton that is why I questioned taking on another life that will eventually end.  I am weak though and love animals. If I could save every pour soul that needs a home I would. so January we will get the little pup we will call Rhea. Your brother picked the name. It is Greek and means mother of all gods.
                 
I always end with how much I miss you and love you and how I am lost and so is dad and Ky We cannot believe 3this is still happening, happened real. It sucks that's all I have to say. Suck with a CAPITAL S and UCK which stands for so much