This just so happens to be from a week or so ago.
Today I woke up still kinda in a fog thinking it was Sat or a weekend day, although really knowing oh gosh it really isn't, Its still the work week a Fri. UGH EVERYDAY is a lets get thru this kinda day. Constantly thinking to myself .....lets get thru this, lets get thru this party, this visit, this dinner, this shopping trip, this appt, this family T.V. show, this encounter, this morning that you would make the trip to me to say I LOVE YOU with a KISS and HUG and off to work, Lets get thru this question, look, hour, minute, second. This feeling is so exhausting, not thinking makes your brain tired, Thinking makes your mind and heart explode with pain. I hate feeling or not feeling, do I want to feel ?, I wish I could think and feel normal, what is the normal now? how can I make that happen? Trevor WHY do we have to feel this? I still look at pictures of nn you and its wonderful to see your happy face, smile ,sparkle. In an instant though that beautiful face will turn to the horrific image of you not living, no life in you. I HATE THIS FEELING< THOUGHT< IMAGE
How can you really know something is what it is and really have it be something totally different but its real. Yea I don't know how you can actually know something is really real, but then on the other hand have it seem like something so very different
Days for me are so jumbled together, confusing, foggy, slow moving,
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