The 4 of us

          I am home alone tonight so 1st place I visit is my place that is yours. After screaming as loud as I could and crying to you asking you questions that followed in silence. I cried some more and asked more questions while I ate dinner in your room. Still the silence was deafening there sometimes it doesn't feel real, like you could walk through the door and come say hi and hug me while we talk about your day.

         At the same time that could be further from the truth. This is our lives and there are no give backs or do overs. I went through our Family Pictures from 2014.  My heart breaks yet another day knowing we will never be four again. It was winter and cold, but we never let that stop us from having fun. You boys messed around and had a good time. We were going to get updated ones this year. I had so many plans for pictures, even to do the ones where you have younger ones and as adults you stage the same as the younger ones.
         I CAN"T do that now, I am ROBBED of the chance and that makes me so sad, miserable, angry devastated.  Taking another picture of us.... can that happen? should it happen? should we include you? Is it weird ????maybe.... should we care? When will it be ok to? As for now it is questions like any other thoughts we have does it matter since we cant have you back and nothing will bring you back. It seems like forever and a day to even think it could even happen. The smiles, laughs, humor, teasing, love and memories we shared that day will be imprinted in my mind for all of eternity. I LOVE YOU TREV XOXO