Sometimes it is a quiet place where I just think of the same millions of questions that will never be answered, I cry and talk to you in hopes that you will hear me and give me any signs you are there to listen. Most times it is where, if I am not screaming out loud, I am screaming with a nonstop echoing in my head. Crying so hard my eyes are swollen, my ears feel clogged and my head feels like it is ready to explode at any second.
There is NEVER 1 instant that my tears are not streaming down my face, like a waterfall from millions of feet up or the full force rush of a broken dam.
Today I cleaned your room for almost 2 hours, vacuumed every inch, dusted all your shelves and medals and polished all of your trophy's. As I touched everything for that 2 hours my tears NEVER stopped. Thinking of every time you received a medal or were honored for earned accomplishments. From elementary on up nothing was ever going to stop you. Your drive strong and passion for things so deep.
How I wish deep within my heart and my everything there were more Goals and Accomplishments yet to come.
That is now not possible and I have only what was and no more tomorrows ......
No more tomorrows with you! My first born, My free spirited, Strong willed, Fun loving what had become the son that had grown into a well rounded AWESOME man. A man who so many loved and cared for. I am sad for them,
BUT.......HONESTLY and MOST SELFISHLY more EMPTY, BROKEN AND SO EXTREMEMLY DISTRAUGHT for your dad, your brother. and FOR ME, YOUR MOM!
Nobody! Nobody can know this feeling of torture unless they have had to try to live with it.
GOD DAMMIT......
I HATE THIS!!! I just want TO WAKE UP, but NO, NO this pain IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE..................
Our hearts that is you, is so hollow and it will never ever be filled again.
I LOVE YOU TREV
XXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOO
XO
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