DEFINITIONS

                There is NO question what so ever that you are in my mind endlessly never missing a second, my soul and my heart FOREVER. Nothing can change the NEVER ending LOVE I have for YOU. Unfortunately nothing can be changed in what life we are living with you gone Trevor.   I realize even almost 9 months, 9 MONTHS later people still don't know what to say.  Some feel like they can't approach us because they don't want to upset us. Some people just are distant because we have stepped back with our initiation of contact. I know and I am sorry I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY EITHER. The uncomfortable moments, my pain and just plain sick, gut wrenching feeling of me not knowing how to answer " How are you/Pete/Ky?" How r we??????????" hm............... I want to say something upbeat and positive...............Really...`` I don't want to make people more uncomfortable to approach us, to have them avoid us to be Leary36 of conversation.  Do we just say, were ok........... pretty good......... eh........... as good as to be expected (usually that's a go to)................  better........  Better TREVOR, WHAT IS THAT NO, NO we aren't even close to that, we cant be. We don't have any choice, no possible way to change this life as we know it now, to know what that is.
 
HEALING...............Is a word we hear often.......NO .............that word is not right, it isn't a process of healing....
 
Definition of Healing:
 
1. To ease or relieve (emotional distress)
2. To be relieved or eliminated
3. To set right; repair
4. To recover from an illness or injury; return to health.
5. To restore to health or soundness; cure. CURE hmmmm
    Ultimately there is an END RESULT to a cure.
 
                     YES I have others to love me and I WILL CONTINUE TO LOVE , but there IS NO END RESULT, NO relief to this horror, the pain like no other will not EVER lessen,  Images of your lifelessness body are NEVER going to be eliminated from our minds, my/our hearts will NEVER be whole, NO FIXING THIS TREVOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NO......... WITHIN THE REST OF MY DAYS I WILL FEEL THIS GUT WRENCHING, SICKNESS, I AM SO MAD THAT I HAVE TO HAVE THIS PAIN. IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY. I LOVE YOUR BROTHER AND YOUR DAD WITH ALL I HAVE LEFT, BUT THIS AGONY WILL BE PRESENT TILL THE END OF MY EXISTANCE.
 
On the other hand there has to be something right???? Whatever that is. At this point I HAVE NO IDEA what, none what so ever.
FUNCTION................ I believe there is something called Function, Functioning. Is this our life now? I believe we are left to just function.
 
1. An activity or purpose natural to or intended for a person or thing
2. A relationship or expression involving one or more variables.
3. Work or operate in a proper or particular way
 
                       Learn to exist in a fashion that will get you thru days that will always be missing a enormous piece of A PART OF ME, MY BABY, THAT WAS TAKEN FROM ME AND I HATE IT. I CAN'T SCREAM IT LOUD ENOUGH.
We will Work, Spend time with friends, Buy things, Go on Vacations, Breathe and Smile. I know this because this is what we are living now.
I truly do enjoy some of those things.  ALWAYS Intertwined is that constant heaviness, the feeling of having a void that will never be filled with what it is supposed to be filled with, THAT IS YOU TREVOR, YOU SHOULD BE HERE ,THERE SHOULD BE NO VOID.