Missing You Trev: 100 Days

                   Today marks the longest, worst, most sad, hurtful, sleepless, emotional 100% horrendous days in my life. There are so many words to describe, but then again NO words can describe our pain. We have lost our son. Who would of thought after 20 years 5 months and 13 days of life our 1st born baby boy would be gone, gone before us, something no parent ever wants to even think of. 7469 seems like a big number, but in reality it was ONLY 7469 days is all you lived. My heart is more than shattered.
                Yes it hurts to lose a pet, grandparent, cousin, aunt, uncle, even a sibling or parent (which I do not know how that feels so I won't pretend to even know how it feels) but YOUR CHILD is a totally different realm. Unless you have lived or living losing your child you have NO CLUE how much you can hurt. It is a pain like NO other, it is a indescribable and never ending. Therapy yea I have set up a appt. Is it going to help? who knows. what is going to happen? I will visit describe my feelings which I know will not change from visit to visit and maybe they will counsel me on some sort of level. Maybe how to cope????? WTF is that? There is no amount of coping to make me feel any different. Right now coping is screaming, crying and tons of emotions trying not to slam my head into the concrete.
  I think it will not make a difference, it won't change anything and wont bring you back to us. Yea Yea time they say heals all wounds BULLSHIT. there will be no better NO THERE WONT Be. A new life without you, that makes me so fucking mad , there is no such thing and a different normal................... hmmm Normal should be the way things were prior to the 29th of June. So now I start to babble and even though I know I keep going. So much has happened and is happening since you died. Just a couple
                               MOST IMPORTANTLY
      Your brother getting hired as a police aid for Oak Creek