There have been years of simpler days....... Right now at this moment and moments before this and the moments after I wish those simple days still existed. Holding so tight the early days of simple. The ONLY CHILD moments. Being pregnant enjoying every second of every move, kick, hiccup, Holding you, feeding you and getting lost in those big brown eyes gazing into mine. ME and YOU time. All about us... daddy at work and no rush to do anything but love each other. Me loving you more than I could of ever imagined loving something. Laying on the floor just admiring your little face, every movement and sound you make. Passing on the smallest bits and pieces of my knowledge to you, facial expressions, smiles, laughing. Teaching you baby basics of Sitting, crawling, standing, walking. So long ago and soooooooo fricking very simple. EVERY cardiologist and doctor appt, field trip, play, holiday ,concert, game, award. Trips to movies, to friends houses, fairs, pools, parties, shopping, vacations. Experiencing you......The times you cried, laughed, The kisses that made the hurt feel better the hugs the tighter the better. Showing you how much you were loved and supported. Enjoying every minute knowing you are my son, a healthy baby, growing into a bright and cute toddler, You show a young personality of spunk, my son a young man who is accomplishing so many things at one time. fulfilling dreams of a loving, caring, determined high schooler. A Boy who had so many friends of all walks of life, never judging and accepting people for the individual they are versus who people think they should be. A teenager who was NEVER, NEVER EVER embarrassed to hug or kiss his MOM or his DAD in front of ANYBODY. Who always knew the right place for respect. Me watching the accomplishments, the numerous goals, multi tasking in life. Continuing your education looking towards a career. Deciding and making changes, coming home from college, still with SO MUCH LOVE and SUPPORT from so many people, ESPECIALLY YOUR PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Always pushing ahead with your zany humor, tweaking your style as always loving your family, friends, and passion for fun in life.
Days have pasted and in that time so many more simple pleasures should have emerged.
There should be NOW and the COMING FUTURE, THE FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I always thought I was guaranteed a memory FULL of FUTURE for you, the continuation of so many things, the laughs, the jokes, the relationships, the daughter in law, maybe grandchildren, I was supposed to have EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING till I took MY LAST BREATH.
It is not fair that this STUPID FING decision was made without any thought any thought about how this would affect the 3 most important people in your life. There are more that miss and love you and have shown their love to you and our family with so many gestures and I don't want to seem unappreciative because I am far from that and couldn't be more touched and appreciate so much. Maybe I am being selfish, yes I probably most certainly am being selfish, but honestly it is hard to think of anyone past the 3 of us right now.
These past few weeks I will not lie. I am falling further and further in the hell that has been brought to us by this. Your dad and I have never been closer and this will not even come close to tearing us apart. We have you brother right next to us holding him as tight as we can. There are days I can't stand it, but we have so much love which is keeping me from giving in to giving up. There cannot be too much, too loud or too many times I say I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND MISSING YOU SO MUCH MORE.
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